New Rules and Old Cliches

Most days, once you get deeper into multiple weeks of being without work, you fail to realize what day it is, at least in my case. I go in and out of this state of thought. Sometimes I am still aware of what is going on. Somethings I neglect the calendar almost willfully. For those of you who do know what day it is, and I am one of you, sometimes, I have found that there are better days and worse days to be an Unemployed person.

Mondays are the worst. I used to like Mondays, because I'm weird like that. I was the same way in school. I got bored or wanted to talk to people I liked at work or at school and was always looking forward to seeing the people, not necessarily the work, every Monday. (That feeling usually subsided every Monday about an hour after I got there.)

But for all of you, here is Monday: Everyone gets up, and gets stuck in traffic, and has a "case of the Mondays" and then gets on Facebook, or Twitter, or Myspace or whatever and complains about "THE WEEKEND WAS TOO SHORT AND IT'S MONDAY AGAIN!!!"

Meanwhile, I'm waking up at the crack of noon, checking my e-mail and answering machine to find that no one has been back in touch with me regarding the 50+ applications I've sent out in the last week only to stumble across you bitching that you have a job and *gasp!* -- have to be there with your co-workers.

Forgive me if I don't openly weep for your fortune. You leave me a bit on the icy side when I hear you counting down the days to the weekend, or complaining that there's a full week of work in your future.

Take it from the man who has a weekend day, everyday. It's not what it's cracked up to be.

I'd like to propose a new rule: No complaining about your job, or complaining about having to be at your job until this recession is over and people can actually get work again.

Most of the people probably reading your Facebook status message that you're posting (while you're at work) are probably the ones sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring saying they can come to an interview and be told they're overqualified, anyway.

Think of it this way: In return for you biting your tongue and keeping your (widely shared) displeasure of being back at work to yourself, warm your hearts at the fire of the fact that while you must keep quiet, at least you didn't have to sit for four hours at the Unemployment Office playing "That Game" where you spend your time watching the lady that keeps walking around the room in concentric circles, muttering about God-knows-what, wearing flip-flops while her nasty-ass feet look like she just got finished laying out ten miles of hot tar on the interstate with the road crew and wondering if she's just a freak show or if she's just jacked to the gills on booze or if she's gonna ride that bathtub meth high and jam that nail file in her two foot stack of pamphlets and loose-leaf notebook paper she's carrying under her arm in some unsuspecting jerk's neck, remodeling you with arterial spray.

FRIDAY is probably the best day to be Unemployed. It's the easiest day to blend in amongst people wearing their "Casual Friday" uniforms and heck, you can even act like you're getting ready for the big weekend by spouting cliched B.S. to anyone whose eyes are frantically darting around the room waiting to hear something they recognize. The world of those who currently work and those who used to work collide and for a brief smattering of hours we are all one again. There is hope and love and we're all wearing embarrassing shorts and t-shirts while racing around to do as much or as little as we can.

Sundays are disappointing. There is no more pleasure in lazing about, enjoying a morning in bed, doing whatever you want when every single day of your life is like the weekend. It's probably better to just get up and get on with your day. What's even worse is more than likely, it will be the day you have a craving for Chik-Fil-A. So, thanks for that you pious-assed-delicious-chicken-cooking-sons-a-bitches.

**ahem**

You have the information you need to know which days are good and which aren't for the Unemployed. Do with it what you will. "The More You Know!" and all that. Consider it a life lesson.

Know this: For every "TGIF!" or "Thank God It's Friday!" or "Only 2 more days til the weekend!" I see, I'm going to respond with a "Only no more minutes til I am totally nappin', sucker" or whatever it is that I know you would rather actually be doing. Then to spite you, I will actually go do it.

Also, on a more serious note: Thank Whoever That It's Any Day. You didn't wake up dead today. Congratulations. You have a steady paycheck? Even better! There are things to rejoice about and they are all around you all the time. I am breathing. I am eating. I wake up and I go to sleep. I am alive. You are, too. I laugh, and I love and I am me and I am out there, doing my thing, whether you realize it or not.

Work is just money, y'all. Don't let it ruin your week or dictate your mood.

I'm working on that rule myself, and I'll let you know how it goes.