I’m sure there are some of you out there, locked up in a highly satisfying professional life that look out the window of your homogenized corporate tower wondering just what the little people with no jobs do with their whole day. Well, at first it’s a flurry of trying your best to immediately get work and get on with your life and try to get a new job! Gotta hustle! After the first months of getting your hopes and dreams crushed by no one responding to you at all you eventually kind of get in a weird routine that can only be described as “trapped by freedom.” Here’s a peek into the oh-so-exciting dream world that the Employed wish they could be a part of one day (except for that whole, “not knowing where your next paycheck is coming from” thing.)
11 a.m.: What’s up, world? I’m awake and stuff! Let’s shuffle into the living room and pick up the old iPhone. Oh good, I’ve got some spam e-mails from Monster.com, who have complex algorithms and computers that tell them to suggest jobs that match my graphic artist/video editing background. Ooh, today they’re telling me about being the cafe manager at a nearby truck stop and being an account executive at an insurance company. Yay! I love technology. I can only hope they create a robot that does the job of all headhunters. It would be irony (or some similar metallic outer exoskeleton) at it’s finest.
Next up, checkin’ Twitter. People actually message me on there, which is cool. I’m going to do a few reviews for this cool horror movie site I’ve been doing a few things for. I did a really cool interview with a very talented guy from a new horror movie that went up last week. But on the other, darker side of Twitter…Oh, man oh, man…who knew that some celebrities would tweet so much that it would adversely affect my opinion of them…I mean, seriously, Rue McClanahan. Shut the fuck up already.
12 NOON: It’s either going to be some combination of a deli-meat sandwich or one of a handful of various ramen/rice/egg noodle variations baptized in the adoring fire that is, uh, that Korean stuff with the Rooster on the side that is hotter than hell. I am probably on Diet Mountain Dew #2 at this point because I drink like a fish and I quit smoking so I have to have some addiction and supposedly Diet Mountain Dew is healthy? Sure! We’ll go with that. I probably still haven’t turned the tv on at this point.
1 p.m. – 4 p.m.: TV is on. I’m playing Fallout 3. It’s fun. I got into it a little late, but I find it’s better to get into videogames a while after they come out because then you can read all the secrets, tips and tricks and make it more fun and/or less challenging, which always equals “more fun” to me because I am lazy, at least with video games.
5 p.m. – 6 p.m.: Out running errands. Grocery store, Family Dollar Store (which have awesome molasses cookies and previously mentioned ramen noodles) and cheap drinks for the wife. Then over to Dollar General for my drinks, and various sundries. I grab some dinner from either Sonic, or The Local Mexican Joint, or Little Caesars. That’s about all we eat anymore. The other few places in town like Subway has burned us before. A old-school cafe closes too early.
7 p.m. – 2 a.m.: Dinner is eaten. Pets get fed. Wife and I hang out, talk, get online, watch TV, play with the animals, watch Big Brother After Dark on Showtime every night for three freakin’ hours, talk about that game show, etc. Sometime around this time I go look for jobs online and get bummed when there isn’t anything or get really excited and fire off CV’s and resumes that never get a response. Was my old job not big enough? Does my work not stand on it’s own? It is depressing to say the least. Sometime around here I’ll shuffle off to bed, usually by 3 or 4. Tomorrow is another day.
Or is it?
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